Monday, November 28, 2011

The Writing Instrument

"Two four four one eight ... " my father was calling out every digit of the telephone number as he was speaking on the phone. He had barely finished calling out the entire series of numbers and the pen in his hand, had imprinted the last drop of ink on the blank piece of paper kept beside the telephone. The thing about pens in every house hold is that, you never find a writing pen when you need one, but you always find them strewn all over the house.

Writing is my fetish, but that is confined to the window of my blog and I don't write with ink on a paper anymore. With almost everything becoming digital, the pen as an instrument does not seem like the most important thing that one needs to carry when they go out. These days the only time I use a pen is when I buy a book to read. I open the first page and write the date on which the book was bought and sign under it, a habit that I have inherited from my father who in turn inherited the same from his grandfather. It helps me keep a record of when I bought the book and for how long its been with me, or sometimes it reminds me of how long its been lying in my shelf without being read.

My father collected about 15 pens lying all around the house, and it so happened that 13 out of the 15 pens did not write and were not in a good condition. My father demanded that I go and get all the pens repaired immediately. I told him that we lived in a generation of use and throw and it would be better to get a set of new pens for the house. I told him that pens are like plastic covers, you use them and throw them. Repairing was out of question. My father's firm conviction and belief in the concept of repair and re-use led me to Rasi pen shop on L.B road in Adyar.

The last time I ever visited this shop was before my final year examination. I grew up buying pens in this shop and I have been loyal to buying pens from Rasi Pens.Over the years the shop had changed, the old man who owned the shop didn't seem to be there. There was a younger man, I presumed that he was the son.The shop had changed a lot in its appearance, a clear indication that business had slowed down. The shop now sold all stationary items from rulers,pencils,sharpeners to fancy watches.There was a glass rack inside which were placed the famous Parker pens and some other pens which had a gold finish. He told me that the money he earned from recharging mobile phones and selling fancy watches and watch straps was much more than what he earned from pens.

I asked the man where his father was and he told me that he had been sick and visited the shop only once a week. As he was changing the refills in the pens that I had handed over to him, he told me that his father did not like venturing into the sale of products other than pens. He used the same tools that his father had used to repair pens and I always loved watching the process of a pen being repaired, cleaned and washed. Repairing the 15 pens that my father had collected cost me 65 rupees altogether.

I came home and found a letter from my bank. They had rejected my form to open an account on the grounds of a signature mismatch between my pan card and the form. As I sat down to practice copying my own signature, I opened a packet of chips this time not using a pair of scissors but of course the pen.







Saturday, September 24, 2011

Tamil Cinema's Chauvinism

A few years ago, when the popular Tamil Actress Kushboo made a public statement that women should be careful while indulging in premarital sex and must take appropriate precautions in order to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, the women activists and political parties took to the streets, burning effigies of the popular actress. According to them, Kushboo had questioned the integrity of their Tamil culture and more importantly the integrity of their women. How could a north Indian who came to their land to earn a living, make such remarks. It wasn't something that could be accepted.

A few days back on my way back home from office, I heard a song from a new Tamil movie, whose lyrics seemed outrageously chauvinistic. The chorus of the song was something like this:

Adi da avala ( Beat her )
Odha da avala ( Kick her)
Vidra avala ( leave her)

Vennaam da Venaam Indha Kadhal moham ( I don't need this Lust)
Ponnunga Ellam nam Vazhvin Saabam ( Girls are the Curse of our life time)

After listening to this, the first thought that came to to my mind was questioning the virtues and values of the lyricists and the singer who had agreed to sing the song. I immediately, took out my phone from my bag and goggled the details of the song. the song was from a movie named Mayakam Enna. Both the singer and the lyricist was Dhanush, the son-in-law of Super Star Rajinikanth and the recent national award winner for best actor. His brother Selva Raghavan was the director of the movie.

If this song had been targeted against a particular community or any caste, people would have taken to the streets and at least 50 cases would have been filed against the lyricist, the producer of the movie, the director, the singer and the music director. But this song talks about long lost lovers, who love to blame their women to have dumped them and wail. The dialogues that demean women who have ditched their lovers or husbands, are often welcomed with whistles and applause in the theaters. The heroine of the movies earns respect only if she sides her man, however evil he is.

Why aren't those who questioned Kushboo questioning the lyrics of this song? Is it because the lyricist is a MAN from their own land? Or is it because he is the son in law of the Super Star?. Tamil Cinema, which often portrays its Hero as true men who are dark unwaxed chests, should stop showing heros wailing bitching about their lovers.

As long as songs like these are written and get 12434545 likes on Facebook, with comments like super macha, I am sure that girls won't stop getting friend requests from unknown Karthiks, Rameshs and Sureshs,who sit and while away their time in shady net cafes.








Wednesday, August 03, 2011

10 Best Ways to Avoid Marriage

If you are in that stage of your life where your parents want to perform their so called last duty for you called marriage and get back to honeymooning, or a stage when the "Single" or "In- a relationship" status seems more appealing than  "Married" then please read on.

10 Best Ways to avoid Marriages in India.

1. Shaving your head: This is highly recommended for women. (Those who aren't regular customers at Dr. Batra's hair fall clinic kindly refrain from such activities).

2. Wearing Braces: This is a temporary stint and can help you avoid marriage for atleast 2 years depending on how awful you appear.

3. Getting a Tatoo or piercing at a strategic location: The more strategic the location, the more easy it is to sabotage the plans of  a life long commitment.

4. To appear as someone who has renounced all forms of communication: Not recommended for those who are already in a relationship. Stay away from Facebook and other social networking sites. No one would want to marry you if you don't have at least an email account or atleast a mobile. This might make your parents a little anxious, but assure them that you are not following the foot steps of Baba Ramdev or Nithyananda and they needn't worry.

5. Faking homosexuality: This has the highest success rate when compared to any other method. If you have parents who are ready to get you married at any cost, then this might boomerang on you.

6. Quoting unrealistic demands: Tell your parents that you would want to marry someone whose name begins with an 'X'.

7. Appearing ungroomed: This is recommended only if you are extremely desperate to not get married and run out of all options. Dress up badly, forget table manners, display the gaseous outflows from your body openly( Burp loudy), scratch your head and pick you nose.

8. Feign depression: This is works only with emotional parents or partners. Warning: Will not work always.

9. Declare Bankruptcy: This should work unless you are a descendent of the Mursi Tribe in Africa.

10. Stick posters of Baba Ramdev, Bappi Lahiri, Rakhi Sawanth, Imraan Hashmi, and Lady Gaga in your room: A good enough reason for people to avoid you. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Caged

She didn't want to be a free bird,
Exploring the limitless world,
She wanted to be a caged bird,
Living in her own little world.

All alone, left to herself,
She wanted to dance to her own tune,
Sit all alone watching the bright new moon,
With the only companion being her Imagination.

She didnt want to be a part of the herd,
She was a happy caged bird,
Every other caged bird thought she was being absurd,
But lived a happy life as the only happy caged bird.

Friday, January 28, 2011

The Young Urban Professional (Yuppie) - Home Edition®




"I'm just fed up. Fed up of all this competing and trying to come first. What am I even trying to prove. I'm just gonna call it quits Amma!"

It was the third time that I had not made it to the top management schools in the country. What made it worse was that, Dolly got through IIM-A. Night after night we studied together, while talking to each other on the phone we discussed every mock CAT paper, and every time it was me who faired better. It was a matter of a few numbers that changed my life, her life and our life all together.

My phone rang, it was Dolly, " Dude Chill! You'll make it next year. Why do you worry. You missed it in a narrow margin"

"Dolly, What about us? Now you'll pack off to study. What about you, me and everything else?"

"Oh God! You're such a typical man. Stop getting over Senti. Nothing will happend to you, me or us"

"Dolly, I mean you're now gonna meet some awesome guys. Some of them are gonna be the CEO's of the future. I'm never gonna make it like big like them. May be I just want don't want to be them. Look here Dollzz, all that I want out of my life is a happy family with a dog, and some good memories to cherish.

"Oh God! I think you must first stop reading those self help books man. They are so full of baseless nonsense, that teach humans to live like animals.  Listen I know you're worth is more than what a bloody b-school can determine. So Chill. And I'm not going anywhere. I'm on the phone always hon. So Chill. Okay.. I'll just call you back.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dolly,

Although I feel faintly suicidal at the moment, I have made up my mind. I have discovered what I want out of my life. You might think that this decision of mine is sudden, and that I haven't given it much thought.This time I am clear and my goals are set. I do not wish to succumb to the pressures of society and digress from this. When I'm 70 years of age all that I want is a happy family and a family photo beside my bed, where everyone is all smiles. I am ready to take the extra step and ready to sacrifice anything for this. My decision has been propelled by two factors. Firstly, my limitless love for you, and secondly the trickle down effect of seeing the difficulties my mother faced as a single parent and a home maker has been the driving force behind my urge to become a successful House Husband.

When man began to take up cooking as a profession, he made a world of a difference to it. It was a man who invented the gas stove, the mixer, grinder, oven, iron and steel without which, there'd be no utensils today. I pay all my respect to that one man who thought of venturing into cooking, and there by changing the face of kitchens world over. The difference is between the way we men work and you women work. Women view cooking as a duty, since men don't view it as a duty we give in a lot more scope for experimentation.

When a man is given a task, it is a simple concept of input versus output to him.Whereas to a woman, for a given input the out put is based on her current mood, feelings, what she is wearing, how messy the task is, whether she would get dark circles after the completion of the task, hormonal fluctuations, what her friends are doing at the moment so on and so forth. This is what I have gathered from my common perception of the men and women I have met, and it is certainly not a random generalization that I am making.

Moreover, I could be a godfather to a new generation of house husbands a certain species of men who'd fold clothes, make the bed, pack Tiffin boxes, change diapers, and do every other womanly task, with great finesse and complete ease. You like the so many other typical dramatic women, might tell me that although I can do every womanly task, I cannot carry the by product of our love making in my stomach. My answer to this is, I am no god to change the chores of nature, all I can do is change my nature. I would give you full time company  when you are on your maternity leave, apart from taking care of all the domestic chores that I am in-charge of. How more exciting can that get?

Moreover, the advent of the house husbands could lay the foundations for new research and inventions. Out of the world products like an automatic diaper changing machine, automatic story telling cum patting machine that would put babies to sleep, an automatic kicker that kicks you out of bed when you are late to work, an automatic nagger that keeps nagging you when you ain't doing the right things at the right time, an automatic emotion booster that would say 'Awwww' in between every sentence one utters, an automatic festival detector that decorates your house for every festival without you having to move a finger,an automatic hunger detector that would keep food ready on the table when one is hungry and many more innovative machines would come into existence. Being a house hubby would be considered of high stature. Many universities would offer diploma courses like ' House Husbandry' that teach you the science behind becoming the perfect house husband.

As the the concept of House hubbies becomes popular, more magazines discussing about topics like ' How to please you wife when she comes home from work'and 'How to be a good motherish father'. The Ads in matrimonial columns would change to 'Seeking a well manner, homely, adjusting, god fearing, well groomed bride groom from a good family'. The only harm that this might cause is that, with the advent of house husbands, feminists and women activists might be rendered jobless. Otherwise, the revolution of House Hubbies would do more good than bad. And guess what? I'd be the forerunner to all this.

I earnestly want to begin this journey towards a revolution with you.

Yours Sincerely,

House- Husband - in the making

PS: You are a complete jerk if you deny this offer.


Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Beer Drinking Mataji

I didn't understand what his problem was. Was it me, or my parents? Ours is a open family. To us, consuming alcohol together is not considered blasphemy, or least bit scandalous.

"We cannot continue this anymore. I mean, I'm okay with you drinking, but I can't picture myself saying cheers to your mom. Thats scandalous. I can't accept living with the daughter of a beer drinking Mataji. I guess its better we part ways, our upbringing is different." those were his last words. After that I never met him.

Thirty Five years later history had repeated itself.

My daughter came home crying. She said the man she was seeing had parted ways with her.

"I can't believe that your mom drinks. I'm okay with you drinking, but I cannot say cheers to a beer drinking Mataji.", she told me that those were his last words.

Scams bend the rules for Babajis, but rules are never meant to bent for Matajis.