Playing the Doosra

I've always had this weird feeling that I was not an outcome of love, but I was a mere accident. Most second kids in the family tend to get this feeling when the difference between them and their elder sibling is more than about 6 years. When the difference is so vast, and you are the second child, you tend to attribute your existence to just three factors: Firstly you could have been born because your elder sibling was a complete retard and your parents needed something noteworthy to leave behind. The age gap can be attributed to the fact that it takes a long time to see development in slow kids. So you were just an outcome of frustration that was caused by the first child. Secondly in some cases, the second child becomes an entertainment factor for the first one. Yes the existence of some second kids can be attributed to the fact that they were born just get their Bhaiyas or Didis out of boredom. Lastly, your existence could have been a mere accident. This is what they call the unexpected surprise, and when your parents don’t have a choice but to keep you, the reason as to why you were born boils down to nothingness.

There's nothing new to anything second in life. The first crush, the first kiss, first job, first car, and the list of first, is endless. When it comes to the second crush, kiss, or car we don't take the effort to remember it. The reason being the immense excitement, eagerness, anxiety can be attributed only and only to the first things you do. I don’t mean to say that mothers don't want to bear second kids, but the excitement they experience while carrying the first child far surpasses the eagerness for the second. Only when a couple is going to have their first child, they say they are starting a family. Second kids are just an addition to the family. In life, additions make us happy. An additional car, additional home, additional income, and so on, but they aren't the very seeds of our happiness. To every mother, deep rooted inside the dark corners of her heart, there is a separate special space for the first child, which the second child does not have. That's why it hurts more when the elder kids get out of control or disobey parents. The first disappointments hurt a lot more. They quitely live with us, through our memories, and never fade away no matter how hard one tries.

You can call yourself an outcome of an accident if you were born when your father was close to 40 years of age or more. Who plans for a kid at an age when every man is chasing promotions and is trying to earn himself a decent roof with atleast two rooms, or few mutual funds to fall back upon after retirement? You are like free coke that comes with Pizzas. Not completely essential, but we don't mind it, since its free. When it comes to the first kids, parents look into every detail of their upbringing. In many cases the same care and concern is not rendered to the second child, because even before the second kids begin to learn their ABC, parents get caught up with other things and start dreading their middle age and the array of trauma associated with it.

In most cases, the elder siblings set the benchmark for the second kid in everything, ranging from scoring marks, playing games, being well mannered, hardworking, and a benchmark for immunity is also set by the fist kids. The second kids are expected to at least reach this set bench mark if not surpass it. We've often heard dialogues like “You both stay in the same house, how come your brother/sister can concentrate and study but you can't?" "How come you brother/sister never falls sick as often as you do?" “Learn from you brother/ sister. Learn how to behave." Second kids are tagged to their elder siblings for everything. Many parents fail to recognize them as individuals having a separate abilities and potential.

More often than not the first kids sulk and crib about having to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of their younger siblings. Having to protect them all through their childhood while travelling in the school van, while going for picnics, while playing outdoors. And all the time it is the elder kids who have to include their younger siblings in the games that they played with their friends. They claim to be the guardian angel for their younger siblings. They fail to realise the fact that this does not help the younger kids in any way. The elder kids are lauded by the world for their responsibility which just makes it a herculean task for the younger kids to reach the bench mark set by them. Another sad thing that most second kids have to live with right from the beginning of their lives is old cradles, prams, toys and even old pyjamas. Second kids live with a whole lot of second hand goods.

When it comes to important discussions in the family, the second child has no voice. And no one cares to hear him/her out, even if the poor kid makes a lot of sense. And no responsibility is given to the second kid. Parents don’t bother until the elder kid takes care of everything. Sudden responsibility is thrust on the younger kids when their elder brothers/ sisters get married. Suddenly the second child, who was deliberately not relied upon, is expected to be responsible. Any mistake anywhere and you are branded for life that you can never match up to the benchmark set up by your elder sibling in terms of responsibility.

A friend of mine who is a second child herself, told me that she would have two kids. " I will adopt one and give birth to one. So that each of them is one of a kind." "You don't have to do that", I told her. " Just treat each of them as one of a kind."

To all the parents out there, on behalf of every second child I would like to tell you that "Life is not too easy playing the Doosra, and it is utter foolishness to expect every Doosra to be a great delivery."