Musings from 'KADHAL KAVITHAI' and more

Note : Those who don't understand Tamil, I beg your forgiveness.

I work as a receptionist in Hotel Rambha Paradise. Today, I was fired from my job.

The series of events that unfolded:

7-4.5 AM: "It's my life..It's now or never..I ain't gonna live forever..I just wanna live while I'm alive" yes the age old Bon Jovi song blares as my Alarm rings. I have a fad for fancy alarm tones. Shucks I'm late.

7-48 A.M: (In the shower) Do I need to use the Palmolive Aroma therapy shower gel now?

The song "It's my life..It's now or never..I ain't gonna live forever" strikes my head. I take the gel and fill the bathroom with bubbles. I play with a few bubbles for exactly forty five seconds to be precise.

8-15 A.M: 'Beep Beep' mobile reads '2 messages received'. One is from my manager “Where the hell are you?" Second message is from super Manager “Why the hell are you late?"

8-28 A.M: Whoa! I'm finally ready. I broke my earlier record of getting ready in 45 minutes by a huge margin today.

8-30 A.M: I proceed to work on my Orange Scooty. Yes I own an Orange coloured Scooty. My mother thinks the colour black is inauspicious, and brings bad luck. At the same time she thinks red is too outrageous, so we decided on the most auspicious colour orange. (Each time she takes a ride on the scooty my mom would say 'Namba scooty evlo mangalagarama irukku paaru')

8-35 A.M: Stranded in Traffic. My manager calls and I miss the call. Can't call back. No balance. I ride for 15 minutes and finally find a recharge shop.

9-00 A.M: I recharge my mobile for Rs. 50. I call my manager back, ‘Your balance is insufficient to complete the call." Oh God!

Message : Your 'KADHAL KAVITHAI SERVICE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED FOR Rs.50 FOR FIVE DAYS' (KADHAL KAVITHAI in Tamil refers to LOVELY LOVE RHYMES)Arghghhhhhhhhhh no time to call customer service and blast them. No balance to call my boss too. I think 'A stitch in time saves nine'. Yes, finally after 6 minutes and 45 seconds of introspection, I give my super manager a missed call.

Me: Hello! Ah Sir, there is a small problem. Can I explain?

Manager: Where the hell are you? Don't you know that today is the welcoming ceremony of the new dance bar in our hotel and the great dancer, Miss Rocky Rampant is coming for the inauguration. I thought you would bring a big bouquet made of expensive orchids from the USA, to welcome our dancer madam but you were nowhere to be seen.

Me: Yes sir, I will be there in 10 minutes sharp.

9-30: I reach just two minutes before the Miss Rocky Rampant leaves.

Manager: Where is the bouquet of Orchids from the USA.

Me: Sir, I couldn't get orchids from USA, they said Orchids from Srilanka were only available, I bought our Dancer Madame, a wonderful gift instead.

Manager: What gift is it?

Me: A pair of leggings made from snake skin. You know sir, this really tight pant called leggings is the in-thing today. You can easily find at least a hand full of girls wearing these in every corporate these days sir.

Manager: Oh really! Then I'm sure our dancer Madame will be happy. Good job.

Me: Thank you sir.

11:00 A.M: Inauguration Ceremony over.

Manager: Super Manager is calling you.

I think to myself, 'Wow I guess I'm gonna get promoted this week.'

Super Manager: This incorrigible behaviour of yours can no longer be tolerated in this organization.

Me: Organization?

Super Manager: Yes Hotel Rambha Paradise is like every other organization. We are strict about timings and commitment. I don’t see that spark and fire in your eyes. And look at your guts, you give me a missed call. Who do you think I am? I am not your boy friend.

Me: But, Sir Can I explain what actually happened?

Super Manager: I have heard enough from you. Now please go out. You can have your salary settled next week.

Me: But sir please can I justt...

Super Manager: No more explanations. You have taken things for granted for too long. We don't need such irresponsible behaviour in this organization. Coming late is like cancer. It spreads fast and before it can spread I'm removing the root cause of the cancer. You can leave now.

I walk out of the office furious.

Manager: Can you tell me where you bought those snake skin leggings? I want to buy one for my wife.

Me: You should probably ask our super boss. He gave it to me one morning asking me to hide it in my runner.

KADHAL KAVITHAI has cost me my job. I pick up the phone and call the customer care representative (CCR).

CCR: Good Morning! This is Raj, how may I assist you?

Me: Your connection is the world on the face of this planet. It has cost me my job today. I never subscribed to any service but I get charged for it. And worse I don’t get what the service offers too.

Raj: Chill maam. Can you please explain your problem in detail?

Me: My mobile reads a message saying some stupid random service named KADHAL KAVITHAI has been activated and I have been charged Rs 50 for it. I dont want any such service and please de-activate it now. Right now.

Raj : Can I have you mobile number please?

Me: 0919802372-0942-96

Raj : Can I know why you want to deactivate this service?

Me: There is no KADHAL in my life.

Raj: Maam, this service is to help your love life. Can you please state your requirements ?

Me: I had lost my cool. 'What requirements? Okay you want requirements take them down, paal pole 18- il enaku oru Boy friend Venum. Kaalam Theriyamal Kadalai naan poda enakku oru boy friend venm. ( I need a boy friend in his sweet 18) Can you satisfy that? And I have not recieved one KADHAL KAVIDHAI till now. Can you hook me up with Jeyam Ravi?

Raj: Sorry for the inconvenience maam. I can help you with a few KADHAL KAVIDHAI's

"Justice Delayed is Justice Denied,
If you don't accept me love,
I shall consume Cyanide"

Wah Wah Wah

" I don't drink alcohol,
Honey, you give me the same kick,
I don't need a sweater when I'm cold,
Honey, You are a hot Chick."

Wah Wah Wah

Me : I need you to deactivate this right now. Bye.

11:35 P.M: My mobile rings. Unknown number. I pick the call, half asleep.

Me: Hello

Its me Raj, I too lost my job today. I told you wonderful KADHAL KAVITHAI's from my head but I guess, they were against the Cutomer Care rules.