Adventures of Miss AB in Trans-fat land

I am Miss AB, now don't mistake me to be Amitabh, Abhishek or Aishwarya Rai Bachan. AB- Stands for Aloo Bonda. Previously, I used to hate the name, but now I guess I am used to being called that way. I am too depressed these days that I have begun, expanding horizontally, resulting in profound rotundity all through my anatomy.

I find profundity in rotundity. You don't get what I mean right? The best things in this universe are rotund. The sun, the moon, the earth itself, apples, cherries, grapes, Gulab Jamuns, Rasagullas, Pan Cakes, Cookies, Chocolate truffle (I mean the whole cake), Pizzas, Thattai, Murukku, Onion uthappams, Gol gappas,Peanuts, Baskin Robin's ice- cream scoops, Parle Pop-ins, Pure magic biscuits and the list of irresistable round things is endless. The best round object in this world is the potato. And how can I forget, Aloo Bondas and Aloo parathas. If I had to choose between food and sex, I would choose the former, because its easily available at anytime you want, you don't have to depend on someone for it and 'FOOD'gets you out of depression.

I am a diet dropout. The last time I ever ate diet food, was when I ate Marie Biscuits. I tried a diet called the GM diet. This was when I stocked a life time of nutrients and vitamins into my body. The results of the diet seemed outstanding when I went up to measure the merits of my performance on the weighing machine. The pointer showed a four degree shift to left and I was terribly excited. But my joy was short lived, and I happened to meet an old friend who ended up not only destroying my temporary happiness but also got me into deep depression. " Oh my god!! You've put on so much weight. What happened?" she said. I wanted to tell her that I had actually lost weight, but remained silent. That was the last time I had met her. I hate it when relatives and friends remind me of my rotundity in weddings, and other happy gatherings. It makes me awfully depressed that I end up taking two servings of the dessert.

And then dawned hope. I read Kareena Kapoor's success weight loss story. Yes even I could become my dream me. I just had to streamline my depression eating. My deep depression had caused me to blog relentlessly, usually late at nights when my apetite soars high."Its okay if I ate Milk Bikies or Parle- G at night, but I must avoid pampering my taste buds by smearing Jam in between the biscuits", I thought. My oil intake was quite under control. Ever since the microwave was introduced, every south indian house hold used it mainly to make oil free papads and fryums. What actually needed attention was my Bornville, and Bonda intake.

I hate my boy friend for three things. One, for naming me Aloo Bonda, two for gifting me Bornvilles everytime we meet, and the third one for fixing up our meeting point at Bamblimas Bonda stall. Otherwise, he's a nice chap. He accepts my rotundity and does not rub it in. Unlike most men, who find the collar bone jutting out as the most appealing factor, my guy finds profundity in rotundity. I have a gym mate who is just as plump as I am and her boy friend presented her a weighing machine on her birthday. She felt so miserable that she broke down half way on the treadmill one day. If I was her, I would have dumped the third rated bastard. My boy friend is the only soul who tells me that I have lost weight after each session at the gym. I often envy the skinny women who come to gym. I am curious about how they are so skinny despite eating the same amount as I eat. Despite just eating two Chapatis for both lunch and dinner and running six miles for 2 months continuously, the pointer on the weighing machine showed just a two degree shift to the left. I had expected to lose at least 5 kilos. Just as I was about to suffer a slight nervous break down, I saw a really huge woman enter the gym. In my estimate she would easily weigh at least 200 pounds.

She saw me sit in the couch, waiting to get my new diet plan. She asked me if I was waiting for the dietician. " Did the diet help?", she asked. " Not really. I just lost two kilos after two months" I said. " Be happy you at least lost two. I lost none. Be happy girl. Fat people like me find profundity in rotundity. God made most strategic parts of the human body rotund, just to make human beings more appealing. And I have many other parts rotund, and that makes me even more appealing." she said laughingly. "Let me know after you're done with your appointment." she said, and walked towards the juice counter. Just as she turned, I saw what was written on her pink t-shirt. " Your weight is not down your waist, but up your head. All that matters is how you carry it."