Friday, January 28, 2011

The Young Urban Professional (Yuppie) - Home Edition®




"I'm just fed up. Fed up of all this competing and trying to come first. What am I even trying to prove. I'm just gonna call it quits Amma!"

It was the third time that I had not made it to the top management schools in the country. What made it worse was that, Dolly got through IIM-A. Night after night we studied together, while talking to each other on the phone we discussed every mock CAT paper, and every time it was me who faired better. It was a matter of a few numbers that changed my life, her life and our life all together.

My phone rang, it was Dolly, " Dude Chill! You'll make it next year. Why do you worry. You missed it in a narrow margin"

"Dolly, What about us? Now you'll pack off to study. What about you, me and everything else?"

"Oh God! You're such a typical man. Stop getting over Senti. Nothing will happend to you, me or us"

"Dolly, I mean you're now gonna meet some awesome guys. Some of them are gonna be the CEO's of the future. I'm never gonna make it like big like them. May be I just want don't want to be them. Look here Dollzz, all that I want out of my life is a happy family with a dog, and some good memories to cherish.

"Oh God! I think you must first stop reading those self help books man. They are so full of baseless nonsense, that teach humans to live like animals.  Listen I know you're worth is more than what a bloody b-school can determine. So Chill. And I'm not going anywhere. I'm on the phone always hon. So Chill. Okay.. I'll just call you back.

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Dear Dolly,

Although I feel faintly suicidal at the moment, I have made up my mind. I have discovered what I want out of my life. You might think that this decision of mine is sudden, and that I haven't given it much thought.This time I am clear and my goals are set. I do not wish to succumb to the pressures of society and digress from this. When I'm 70 years of age all that I want is a happy family and a family photo beside my bed, where everyone is all smiles. I am ready to take the extra step and ready to sacrifice anything for this. My decision has been propelled by two factors. Firstly, my limitless love for you, and secondly the trickle down effect of seeing the difficulties my mother faced as a single parent and a home maker has been the driving force behind my urge to become a successful House Husband.

When man began to take up cooking as a profession, he made a world of a difference to it. It was a man who invented the gas stove, the mixer, grinder, oven, iron and steel without which, there'd be no utensils today. I pay all my respect to that one man who thought of venturing into cooking, and there by changing the face of kitchens world over. The difference is between the way we men work and you women work. Women view cooking as a duty, since men don't view it as a duty we give in a lot more scope for experimentation.

When a man is given a task, it is a simple concept of input versus output to him.Whereas to a woman, for a given input the out put is based on her current mood, feelings, what she is wearing, how messy the task is, whether she would get dark circles after the completion of the task, hormonal fluctuations, what her friends are doing at the moment so on and so forth. This is what I have gathered from my common perception of the men and women I have met, and it is certainly not a random generalization that I am making.

Moreover, I could be a godfather to a new generation of house husbands a certain species of men who'd fold clothes, make the bed, pack Tiffin boxes, change diapers, and do every other womanly task, with great finesse and complete ease. You like the so many other typical dramatic women, might tell me that although I can do every womanly task, I cannot carry the by product of our love making in my stomach. My answer to this is, I am no god to change the chores of nature, all I can do is change my nature. I would give you full time company  when you are on your maternity leave, apart from taking care of all the domestic chores that I am in-charge of. How more exciting can that get?

Moreover, the advent of the house husbands could lay the foundations for new research and inventions. Out of the world products like an automatic diaper changing machine, automatic story telling cum patting machine that would put babies to sleep, an automatic kicker that kicks you out of bed when you are late to work, an automatic nagger that keeps nagging you when you ain't doing the right things at the right time, an automatic emotion booster that would say 'Awwww' in between every sentence one utters, an automatic festival detector that decorates your house for every festival without you having to move a finger,an automatic hunger detector that would keep food ready on the table when one is hungry and many more innovative machines would come into existence. Being a house hubby would be considered of high stature. Many universities would offer diploma courses like ' House Husbandry' that teach you the science behind becoming the perfect house husband.

As the the concept of House hubbies becomes popular, more magazines discussing about topics like ' How to please you wife when she comes home from work'and 'How to be a good motherish father'. The Ads in matrimonial columns would change to 'Seeking a well manner, homely, adjusting, god fearing, well groomed bride groom from a good family'. The only harm that this might cause is that, with the advent of house husbands, feminists and women activists might be rendered jobless. Otherwise, the revolution of House Hubbies would do more good than bad. And guess what? I'd be the forerunner to all this.

I earnestly want to begin this journey towards a revolution with you.

Yours Sincerely,

House- Husband - in the making

PS: You are a complete jerk if you deny this offer.


Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Beer Drinking Mataji

I didn't understand what his problem was. Was it me, or my parents? Ours is a open family. To us, consuming alcohol together is not considered blasphemy, or least bit scandalous.

"We cannot continue this anymore. I mean, I'm okay with you drinking, but I can't picture myself saying cheers to your mom. Thats scandalous. I can't accept living with the daughter of a beer drinking Mataji. I guess its better we part ways, our upbringing is different." those were his last words. After that I never met him.

Thirty Five years later history had repeated itself.

My daughter came home crying. She said the man she was seeing had parted ways with her.

"I can't believe that your mom drinks. I'm okay with you drinking, but I cannot say cheers to a beer drinking Mataji.", she told me that those were his last words.

Scams bend the rules for Babajis, but rules are never meant to bent for Matajis.