Skewed Queues

Whenever I look at a white collared professional, I always wonder if education could have changed my life. I started to work at an age when I should have ideally been carrying a school bag instead of the cement bag and bricks. I started with an income of Rs.10 per month. For the first few years of my professional life, I carried cement and other amenities at the construction site. Then I learnt to mix the cement and sand in the right proportions. Soon I learnt how to lay the bricks and patch up the walls too. Today, I am sixty years old, an age when the government wants you to retire. It is only after so many years, that I can decipher the layout plan of a building whose bricks were laid by me.

The man who instructed us and got all the work done was a white collared professional. He visited the site once in two weeks and used to make some drawings which I never understood. All that I knew was that he was an educated man, and education had power. The power that distinguished the white collared people from blue collared people like me. The power to change the unchanged, the power to create and the power to destroy. I was determined to bestow the best education to my children, so that they could take on the world and accomplish the things I had never been able to. I wanted to give them all that was denied to me. I worked untiringly and sometimes, I worked for two shifts just to make ends meet. Supporting both a sick wife on one hand and a school going child on the other was no easy task. I have no regrets for the sacrifices I've made over the years, for today, my son is a white collared professional. He works in a fully air conditioned building. He wears ironed clothes to office and even his feet don't touch the sand.

Last week, my son had forgotten his Tiffin box at home. My wife was feeling terrible about it. So I decided to make her happy and I went to deliver it to him at his office. His office is located at the outskirts of the city and has not one, but 5 high raised buildings inside o
ne place. I wondered inside which building my son was working. Travel to his office is quite complicated. I had to travel by a van till the gate. While I was waiting for a van, I saw many other white collared professionals like my son who were waiting for the van. The moment the van arrived, all of them huddled at the entrance of the van and pushed their way inside. I found it a bit hard to make my way into the van. I was the last man to get in and I wasn't surprised about not finding myself a place to sit. I stood at the rear end of the van because I was afraid of standing near the door. The moment the van reached the destination, it was the same scene that was at the entrance. Everyone huddled and was racing to get out. I wonder how a fifty second delay in getting out of the van would affect them.

I called up my son to find out where I had to deliver his Tiffin box. He told me to come to a place called the cafeteria. I couldn't even pronounce the word properly. I finally discovered that it was a common gathering where everyone ate. At the construction site, the huge mountains of sand was our cafeteria. The only difference was that, here food was sold and at the construction site we brought our food. I saw a huge line of young men and women standing close together like a chain. They were waiting to get a small chit of paper from a man who was selling it from a computerized machine.

Soon my son arrived.I gave him his lunch, and he asked me to sit with him till he finished. I told him about how people were pushing one another in the van and right in front of our eyes at the cafeteria. He told me "Dad this is not some school or military to stand in attention in straight lines. How would you understand? All your life you were just a blue collared worker."

Yes I was a blue collared worker all my life. I never went to school to learn to stand in a line. I've never attended republic day and Independence Day parades to learn that I must maintain a two feet distance from the person standing in front of me. In the construction site, the only important thing was to follow a line. Hell would break loose if we didn't, and no one pushed or fell over one another. Every evening, we stood one behind another to collect our daily wages. There were women and children in the queue and hence, we maintained the two feet distance between each other. There were women who had to go home and feed hungry kids, fathers who had to go home just to give their family the money so that they could buy their dinner, but no one pushed or huddled or raced to get what was due to them . We knew there was no point in running a race that had no medals.

On my way back home, I struggled my way into the van and got a place to sit. Education sometimes can get your life into the right line. I think it requires more than just education to stand in a straight line.

Musings from 'KADHAL KAVITHAI' and more

Note : Those who don't understand Tamil, I beg your forgiveness.

I work as a receptionist in Hotel Rambha Paradise. Today, I was fired from my job.

The series of events that unfolded:

7-4.5 AM: "It's my life..It's now or never..I ain't gonna live forever..I just wanna live while I'm alive" yes the age old Bon Jovi song blares as my Alarm rings. I have a fad for fancy alarm tones. Shucks I'm late.

7-48 A.M: (In the shower) Do I need to use the Palmolive Aroma therapy shower gel now?

The song "It's my life..It's now or never..I ain't gonna live forever" strikes my head. I take the gel and fill the bathroom with bubbles. I play with a few bubbles for exactly forty five seconds to be precise.

8-15 A.M: 'Beep Beep' mobile reads '2 messages received'. One is from my manager “Where the hell are you?" Second message is from super Manager “Why the hell are you late?"

8-28 A.M: Whoa! I'm finally ready. I broke my earlier record of getting ready in 45 minutes by a huge margin today.

8-30 A.M: I proceed to work on my Orange Scooty. Yes I own an Orange coloured Scooty. My mother thinks the colour black is inauspicious, and brings bad luck. At the same time she thinks red is too outrageous, so we decided on the most auspicious colour orange. (Each time she takes a ride on the scooty my mom would say 'Namba scooty evlo mangalagarama irukku paaru')

8-35 A.M: Stranded in Traffic. My manager calls and I miss the call. Can't call back. No balance. I ride for 15 minutes and finally find a recharge shop.

9-00 A.M: I recharge my mobile for Rs. 50. I call my manager back, ‘Your balance is insufficient to complete the call." Oh God!

Message : Your 'KADHAL KAVITHAI SERVICE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED FOR Rs.50 FOR FIVE DAYS' (KADHAL KAVITHAI in Tamil refers to LOVELY LOVE RHYMES)Arghghhhhhhhhhh no time to call customer service and blast them. No balance to call my boss too. I think 'A stitch in time saves nine'. Yes, finally after 6 minutes and 45 seconds of introspection, I give my super manager a missed call.

Me: Hello! Ah Sir, there is a small problem. Can I explain?

Manager: Where the hell are you? Don't you know that today is the welcoming ceremony of the new dance bar in our hotel and the great dancer, Miss Rocky Rampant is coming for the inauguration. I thought you would bring a big bouquet made of expensive orchids from the USA, to welcome our dancer madam but you were nowhere to be seen.

Me: Yes sir, I will be there in 10 minutes sharp.

9-30: I reach just two minutes before the Miss Rocky Rampant leaves.

Manager: Where is the bouquet of Orchids from the USA.

Me: Sir, I couldn't get orchids from USA, they said Orchids from Srilanka were only available, I bought our Dancer Madame, a wonderful gift instead.

Manager: What gift is it?

Me: A pair of leggings made from snake skin. You know sir, this really tight pant called leggings is the in-thing today. You can easily find at least a hand full of girls wearing these in every corporate these days sir.

Manager: Oh really! Then I'm sure our dancer Madame will be happy. Good job.

Me: Thank you sir.

11:00 A.M: Inauguration Ceremony over.

Manager: Super Manager is calling you.

I think to myself, 'Wow I guess I'm gonna get promoted this week.'

Super Manager: This incorrigible behaviour of yours can no longer be tolerated in this organization.

Me: Organization?

Super Manager: Yes Hotel Rambha Paradise is like every other organization. We are strict about timings and commitment. I don’t see that spark and fire in your eyes. And look at your guts, you give me a missed call. Who do you think I am? I am not your boy friend.

Me: But, Sir Can I explain what actually happened?

Super Manager: I have heard enough from you. Now please go out. You can have your salary settled next week.

Me: But sir please can I justt...

Super Manager: No more explanations. You have taken things for granted for too long. We don't need such irresponsible behaviour in this organization. Coming late is like cancer. It spreads fast and before it can spread I'm removing the root cause of the cancer. You can leave now.

I walk out of the office furious.

Manager: Can you tell me where you bought those snake skin leggings? I want to buy one for my wife.

Me: You should probably ask our super boss. He gave it to me one morning asking me to hide it in my runner.

KADHAL KAVITHAI has cost me my job. I pick up the phone and call the customer care representative (CCR).

CCR: Good Morning! This is Raj, how may I assist you?

Me: Your connection is the world on the face of this planet. It has cost me my job today. I never subscribed to any service but I get charged for it. And worse I don’t get what the service offers too.

Raj: Chill maam. Can you please explain your problem in detail?

Me: My mobile reads a message saying some stupid random service named KADHAL KAVITHAI has been activated and I have been charged Rs 50 for it. I dont want any such service and please de-activate it now. Right now.

Raj : Can I have you mobile number please?

Me: 0919802372-0942-96

Raj : Can I know why you want to deactivate this service?

Me: There is no KADHAL in my life.

Raj: Maam, this service is to help your love life. Can you please state your requirements ?

Me: I had lost my cool. 'What requirements? Okay you want requirements take them down, paal pole 18- il enaku oru Boy friend Venum. Kaalam Theriyamal Kadalai naan poda enakku oru boy friend venm. ( I need a boy friend in his sweet 18) Can you satisfy that? And I have not recieved one KADHAL KAVIDHAI till now. Can you hook me up with Jeyam Ravi?

Raj: Sorry for the inconvenience maam. I can help you with a few KADHAL KAVIDHAI's

"Justice Delayed is Justice Denied,
If you don't accept me love,
I shall consume Cyanide"

Wah Wah Wah

" I don't drink alcohol,
Honey, you give me the same kick,
I don't need a sweater when I'm cold,
Honey, You are a hot Chick."

Wah Wah Wah

Me : I need you to deactivate this right now. Bye.

11:35 P.M: My mobile rings. Unknown number. I pick the call, half asleep.

Me: Hello

Its me Raj, I too lost my job today. I told you wonderful KADHAL KAVITHAI's from my head but I guess, they were against the Cutomer Care rules.

Playing the Doosra

I've always had this weird feeling that I was not an outcome of love, but I was a mere accident. Most second kids in the family tend to get this feeling when the difference between them and their elder sibling is more than about 6 years. When the difference is so vast, and you are the second child, you tend to attribute your existence to just three factors: Firstly you could have been born because your elder sibling was a complete retard and your parents needed something noteworthy to leave behind. The age gap can be attributed to the fact that it takes a long time to see development in slow kids. So you were just an outcome of frustration that was caused by the first child. Secondly in some cases, the second child becomes an entertainment factor for the first one. Yes the existence of some second kids can be attributed to the fact that they were born just get their Bhaiyas or Didis out of boredom. Lastly, your existence could have been a mere accident. This is what they call the unexpected surprise, and when your parents don’t have a choice but to keep you, the reason as to why you were born boils down to nothingness.

There's nothing new to anything second in life. The first crush, the first kiss, first job, first car, and the list of first, is endless. When it comes to the second crush, kiss, or car we don't take the effort to remember it. The reason being the immense excitement, eagerness, anxiety can be attributed only and only to the first things you do. I don’t mean to say that mothers don't want to bear second kids, but the excitement they experience while carrying the first child far surpasses the eagerness for the second. Only when a couple is going to have their first child, they say they are starting a family. Second kids are just an addition to the family. In life, additions make us happy. An additional car, additional home, additional income, and so on, but they aren't the very seeds of our happiness. To every mother, deep rooted inside the dark corners of her heart, there is a separate special space for the first child, which the second child does not have. That's why it hurts more when the elder kids get out of control or disobey parents. The first disappointments hurt a lot more. They quitely live with us, through our memories, and never fade away no matter how hard one tries.

You can call yourself an outcome of an accident if you were born when your father was close to 40 years of age or more. Who plans for a kid at an age when every man is chasing promotions and is trying to earn himself a decent roof with atleast two rooms, or few mutual funds to fall back upon after retirement? You are like free coke that comes with Pizzas. Not completely essential, but we don't mind it, since its free. When it comes to the first kids, parents look into every detail of their upbringing. In many cases the same care and concern is not rendered to the second child, because even before the second kids begin to learn their ABC, parents get caught up with other things and start dreading their middle age and the array of trauma associated with it.

In most cases, the elder siblings set the benchmark for the second kid in everything, ranging from scoring marks, playing games, being well mannered, hardworking, and a benchmark for immunity is also set by the fist kids. The second kids are expected to at least reach this set bench mark if not surpass it. We've often heard dialogues like “You both stay in the same house, how come your brother/sister can concentrate and study but you can't?" "How come you brother/sister never falls sick as often as you do?" “Learn from you brother/ sister. Learn how to behave." Second kids are tagged to their elder siblings for everything. Many parents fail to recognize them as individuals having a separate abilities and potential.

More often than not the first kids sulk and crib about having to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of their younger siblings. Having to protect them all through their childhood while travelling in the school van, while going for picnics, while playing outdoors. And all the time it is the elder kids who have to include their younger siblings in the games that they played with their friends. They claim to be the guardian angel for their younger siblings. They fail to realise the fact that this does not help the younger kids in any way. The elder kids are lauded by the world for their responsibility which just makes it a herculean task for the younger kids to reach the bench mark set by them. Another sad thing that most second kids have to live with right from the beginning of their lives is old cradles, prams, toys and even old pyjamas. Second kids live with a whole lot of second hand goods.

When it comes to important discussions in the family, the second child has no voice. And no one cares to hear him/her out, even if the poor kid makes a lot of sense. And no responsibility is given to the second kid. Parents don’t bother until the elder kid takes care of everything. Sudden responsibility is thrust on the younger kids when their elder brothers/ sisters get married. Suddenly the second child, who was deliberately not relied upon, is expected to be responsible. Any mistake anywhere and you are branded for life that you can never match up to the benchmark set up by your elder sibling in terms of responsibility.

A friend of mine who is a second child herself, told me that she would have two kids. " I will adopt one and give birth to one. So that each of them is one of a kind." "You don't have to do that", I told her. " Just treat each of them as one of a kind."

To all the parents out there, on behalf of every second child I would like to tell you that "Life is not too easy playing the Doosra, and it is utter foolishness to expect every Doosra to be a great delivery."