30 Undeniable facts about the 'Average Indian Male'

1. The average Indian male stares at women.
2. The average Indian male thinks he can woo girls by humming random songs or whistling.
3. The average Indian male aspires to go to Amerikaaaaa.
4. The average Indian made has at least one matrimonial profile.
5. The average Indian male always wants a virgin, slim, and fair skinned wife.
6. The average Indian male never praises his wife. 
7. The average Indian male loves cricket more than his wife. 
8. The average Indian male never buys roses regularly for his wife.
9. The average Indian male thinks he is doing a favour if he cooks for his wife.  
10. The average Indian male doesn't know how to give his wife pleasant surprises.
11. The average Indian male never pulls up the chair for a woman.
12. The average Indian male never gives a woman the way in a crowd. 
13. The average Indian male is pampered by his mother. 
14. The average Indian male wears dirty socks. 
15. The average Indian male watches porn.
16. The average Indian male always idolises another man. 
17. The average Indian male doesn't fold his own clothes neatly.
18. The average Indian male has peed in public at least once in his life. 
19. The average Indian male enjoys jokes about women and so called victimised men. 
20. The average Indian male honks on the road. 
21. The average Indian male slurps.
22. The average Indian male wears a pair of jeans on a beach.
23. The average Indian male gossips.
24. The average Indian male wears at least one gold ornament.
25. The average Indian male holds another man's hand while walking on the road.
26. The average Indian male indulges in self pity.
27. The average Indian male thinks his moustache makes him very manly. 
28. The average Indian male thinks he is witty and humorous. 
29. The average Indian male doesn't mind roaming around topless. 
30. The average Indian male prefers beer over champagne. 

Mane Matters

Just as I was cleaning my cupboard last week, I found something that I hadn't used in years - a bun clip. It was nothing fancy, it was a half concave flap of polyurethane with two holes on either ends to insert a stick that looked like a snooker cue. I don't remember if I had bought it or if one of my aunts had left it behind. I had never used it because I always felt that a bun was to be adorned by older women in their 30's and I still had time.

Buns are out of fashion today. They became out of fashion in the late ninety's or may be even before that. These days when I travel by bus or an auto I hardly find any middle aged working woman adoring a bun. Thanks to the dwindling cost of hair straightening products, the bun has lost its glory. Every woman these days wants to look good, young and have the perfect hair. Permanent hair straightening as they advertise it, although is not permanent gives you a shot lived happiness. On the flip side hair straightening can be compared to a mistress in a man's life. It comes with its own terms and conditions, it is very expensive to maintain, you know its not going to stay for ever and when your relationship with your straight hair comes to an end, you are left counting the few sporadic stands of your original crowning glory.

During the 70's and 80's the bun was the only hair style you could spot on any heroine. It made every woman look naturally dignified with a certain class. Buns came in various shapes and sizes and no matter what dress the actress wore the bun never went unnoticed. When worn with a string of Jasmine flowers around it, the bun did make heads turn. Be it curly hair, wavy hair, medium length, long length, dry hair, oily hair you could bury all your worries about your mane inside your bun. One could even bury a hand grenade inside the bun. Many women prefer the bun more for comfort, than anything else. It is customary for police women, nurses, air hostesses in Indian Airlines and women who work as security to wear a bun. I cant imagine a nurse with free hair flying all over her face giving me a shot.

During summer, I cant sport a hair do other than the bun when I am out in the sun. While denim which was invented for factory workers is still in fashion, I wonder why the bun lost out in the fashion race and has been discarded. The other day I was aimlessly walking around in a mall that was recently opened near my house, and I noticed that only one out of every 5 women who passed by had her hair tied up.The mall was very crowded and people were standing in a queue at the entrance of a few shops. I got in line to enter Big Bazaar and just as I entered inside the air curtains at the entrance worked more efficiently than expected. With the sudden gush of air from the air curtain, a lady's hair tickled the another man standing behind her and he sneezed right away. It was quite unexpected that the residue from his nose would land on her hair.

I wonder who felt more disgusted. Was it the man for he had foreign particles, that too someone else's hair inside his nose, or the lady with free hair who obviously couldn't be free anymore.

Ha Ha Ha

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"Can I go out with friends?"
"Yes you can, but don't overspend,
and wear clothes that would offend."

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"Can I go to a late night party?"
"No my dear we live in a country,
where men are flirty and play games that are dirty."

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"Can I go to the temple and pray"
"Yes but make sure you don’t go astray
and don’t forget to carry a pepper spray."

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"I just updated my face book status"
"Make sure you hurt none, at the cost of fun,
you could be chased by a cop holding a gun."

“Mama, Mama!” “Yes Beta!”
“What does the word 'Ban' mean?”
“Ban means to forbid and also
movies, Rushdie, and paintings of a few queens”

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"What does the supereme court do?"
"It provides support when the government goes boo hoo
and sends the bad to a human zoo"

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"Do we live in a democrazy?"
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha."