Mane Matters

Just as I was cleaning my cupboard last week, I found something that I hadn't used in years - a bun clip. It was nothing fancy, it was a half concave flap of polyurethane with two holes on either ends to insert a stick that looked like a snooker cue. I don't remember if I had bought it or if one of my aunts had left it behind. I had never used it because I always felt that a bun was to be adorned by older women in their 30's and I still had time.

Buns are out of fashion today. They became out of fashion in the late ninety's or may be even before that. These days when I travel by bus or an auto I hardly find any middle aged working woman adoring a bun. Thanks to the dwindling cost of hair straightening products, the bun has lost its glory. Every woman these days wants to look good, young and have the perfect hair. Permanent hair straightening as they advertise it, although is not permanent gives you a shot lived happiness. On the flip side hair straightening can be compared to a mistress in a man's life. It comes with its own terms and conditions, it is very expensive to maintain, you know its not going to stay for ever and when your relationship with your straight hair comes to an end, you are left counting the few sporadic stands of your original crowning glory.

During the 70's and 80's the bun was the only hair style you could spot on any heroine. It made every woman look naturally dignified with a certain class. Buns came in various shapes and sizes and no matter what dress the actress wore the bun never went unnoticed. When worn with a string of Jasmine flowers around it, the bun did make heads turn. Be it curly hair, wavy hair, medium length, long length, dry hair, oily hair you could bury all your worries about your mane inside your bun. One could even bury a hand grenade inside the bun. Many women prefer the bun more for comfort, than anything else. It is customary for police women, nurses, air hostesses in Indian Airlines and women who work as security to wear a bun. I cant imagine a nurse with free hair flying all over her face giving me a shot.

During summer, I cant sport a hair do other than the bun when I am out in the sun. While denim which was invented for factory workers is still in fashion, I wonder why the bun lost out in the fashion race and has been discarded. The other day I was aimlessly walking around in a mall that was recently opened near my house, and I noticed that only one out of every 5 women who passed by had her hair tied up.The mall was very crowded and people were standing in a queue at the entrance of a few shops. I got in line to enter Big Bazaar and just as I entered inside the air curtains at the entrance worked more efficiently than expected. With the sudden gush of air from the air curtain, a lady's hair tickled the another man standing behind her and he sneezed right away. It was quite unexpected that the residue from his nose would land on her hair.

I wonder who felt more disgusted. Was it the man for he had foreign particles, that too someone else's hair inside his nose, or the lady with free hair who obviously couldn't be free anymore.

Ha Ha Ha

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"Can I go out with friends?"
"Yes you can, but don't overspend,
and wear clothes that would offend."

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"Can I go to a late night party?"
"No my dear we live in a country,
where men are flirty and play games that are dirty."

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"Can I go to the temple and pray"
"Yes but make sure you don’t go astray
and don’t forget to carry a pepper spray."

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"I just updated my face book status"
"Make sure you hurt none, at the cost of fun,
you could be chased by a cop holding a gun."

“Mama, Mama!” “Yes Beta!”
“What does the word 'Ban' mean?”
“Ban means to forbid and also
movies, Rushdie, and paintings of a few queens”

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"What does the supereme court do?"
"It provides support when the government goes boo hoo
and sends the bad to a human zoo"

“Mama, Mama!”, “Yes Beta!”
"Do we live in a democrazy?"
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha."

The Perfect Story

On the perfect day of the year,
At the perfect time of the day,
The perfect baby was born to the perfect parents.

The baby was so perfect, it had no wrinkles,
The perfect parents were proud to have her,
Theirs was one of the few perfectly happy families in town.

The baby grew up to have the perfect childhood,
Reading about little Red Riding Hood,
And her table manners were always good.

She grew up to be the perfect teen,
No pimples or blemishes on her face were ever seen,
Her parents presented her a Lexus when she was sixteen.

She got a perfect SAT score,
She studied the preferred course in the best of grad schools,
She graduated with the perfect job.

She fell in love with the perfect man,
The perfect man was just like her,
He was born a perfect baby to the perfect parents.

Theirs was a perfect love story,
No Complications, no quarrels,
And the perfect couple had the perfect wedding.

The wedding was on a perfect Wednesday,
With the perfect choir, perfect bridesmaids and best men,
The oldest wine in town was served to the guests.

The Sperm from the perfect man,
Fused with the Ovary from the perfect lady,
And they gave birth to the perfect baby.

The perfect Couple’s baby had the perfect childhood,
The most exciting teenage, the best education, a high paying job,
And finally the perfect wedding just like his parents did.

A perfect granddaughter was born to the perfect grandmother,
The perfect grandmother recited stories from her perfect life,
And the perfect baby instantly went to sleep.

There is more to life..

There is more to life than
A Hitler like boss,
Meeting your ever procrastinated plan of weight loss,
And the Indian cricket team winning today's toss

There is more to life than
Honey moons and happy married lives,
Being pregnant and yet so naive,
Or watching a football match live.

There's more to life than
Today's morning being very bright
The movie you saw last night,
I don't care if it's the dark knight.

There is more to life than
What you ate last night,
Or having a dinner amidst candle light,
You don't need to publicize it on a satellite.

There is more to life than

Graduating from an IVy League,
Taking home a glamourous pay-check every week,
And struttin stuff from uber chic boutiques.

There is more to life than,
Facebook status updates,
A 100 likes for a photo of you in a pair of Skates,
Or a living in a private villa in the United Arab Emirates.

There is more to life than
Covering your grey hairs and bald spots,
Trying to become like you're neighbour who now looks very hot,
And appearing to world as someone you are not.

There is more to life than,
The viscious circle we live in,
The tales about us that others spin,
Or thinking about all our sins.

There is no more to life than,
Showing your finger at every adversity,
Laughing at people's absurdity,
And carving for yourself a unique identity.

The Writing Instrument

"Two four four one eight ... " my father was calling out every digit of the telephone number as he was speaking on the phone. He had barely finished calling out the entire series of numbers and the pen in his hand, had imprinted the last drop of ink on the blank piece of paper kept beside the telephone. The thing about pens in every house hold is that, you never find a writing pen when you need one, but you always find them strewn all over the house.

Writing is my fetish, but that is confined to the window of my blog and I don't write with ink on a paper anymore. With almost everything becoming digital, the pen as an instrument does not seem like the most important thing that one needs to carry when they go out. These days the only time I use a pen is when I buy a book to read. I open the first page and write the date on which the book was bought and sign under it, a habit that I have inherited from my father who in turn inherited the same from his grandfather. It helps me keep a record of when I bought the book and for how long its been with me, or sometimes it reminds me of how long its been lying in my shelf without being read.

My father collected about 15 pens lying all around the house, and it so happened that 13 out of the 15 pens did not write and were not in a good condition. My father demanded that I go and get all the pens repaired immediately. I told him that we lived in a generation of use and throw and it would be better to get a set of new pens for the house. I told him that pens are like plastic covers, you use them and throw them. Repairing was out of question. My father's firm conviction and belief in the concept of repair and re-use led me to Rasi pen shop on L.B road in Adyar.

The last time I ever visited this shop was before my final year examination. I grew up buying pens in this shop and I have been loyal to buying pens from Rasi Pens.Over the years the shop had changed, the old man who owned the shop didn't seem to be there. There was a younger man, I presumed that he was the son.The shop had changed a lot in its appearance, a clear indication that business had slowed down. The shop now sold all stationary items from rulers,pencils,sharpeners to fancy watches.There was a glass rack inside which were placed the famous Parker pens and some other pens which had a gold finish. He told me that the money he earned from recharging mobile phones and selling fancy watches and watch straps was much more than what he earned from pens.

I asked the man where his father was and he told me that he had been sick and visited the shop only once a week. As he was changing the refills in the pens that I had handed over to him, he told me that his father did not like venturing into the sale of products other than pens. He used the same tools that his father had used to repair pens and I always loved watching the process of a pen being repaired, cleaned and washed. Repairing the 15 pens that my father had collected cost me 65 rupees altogether.

I came home and found a letter from my bank. They had rejected my form to open an account on the grounds of a signature mismatch between my pan card and the form. As I sat down to practice copying my own signature, I opened a packet of chips this time not using a pair of scissors but of course the pen.

Tamil Cinema's Chauvinism

A few years ago, when the popular Tamil Actress Kushboo made a public statement that women should be careful while indulging in premarital sex and must take appropriate precautions in order to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, the women activists and political parties took to the streets, burning effigies of the popular actress. According to them, Kushboo had questioned the integrity of their Tamil culture and more importantly the integrity of their women. How could a north Indian who came to their land to earn a living, make such remarks. It wasn't something that could be accepted.

A few days back on my way back home from office, I heard a song from a new Tamil movie, whose lyrics seemed outrageously chauvinistic. The chorus of the song was something like this:

Adi da avala ( Beat her )
Odha da avala ( Kick her)
Vidra avala ( leave her)

Vennaam da Venaam Indha Kadhal moham ( I don't need this Lust)
Ponnunga Ellam nam Vazhvin Saabam ( Girls are the Curse of our life time)

After listening to this, the first thought that came to to my mind was questioning the virtues and values of the lyricists and the singer who had agreed to sing the song. I immediately, took out my phone from my bag and goggled the details of the song. the song was from a movie named Mayakam Enna. Both the singer and the lyricist was Dhanush, the son-in-law of Super Star Rajinikanth and the recent national award winner for best actor. His brother Selva Raghavan was the director of the movie.

If this song had been targeted against a particular community or any caste, people would have taken to the streets and at least 50 cases would have been filed against the lyricist, the producer of the movie, the director, the singer and the music director. But this song talks about long lost lovers, who love to blame their women to have dumped them and wail. The dialogues that demean women who have ditched their lovers or husbands, are often welcomed with whistles and applause in the theaters. The heroine of the movies earns respect only if she sides her man, however evil he is.

Why aren't those who questioned Kushboo questioning the lyrics of this song? Is it because the lyricist is a MAN from their own land? Or is it because he is the son in law of the Super Star?. Tamil Cinema, which often portrays its Hero as true men who are dark unwaxed chests, should stop showing heros wailing bitching about their lovers.

As long as songs like these are written and get 12434545 likes on Facebook, with comments like super macha, I am sure that girls won't stop getting friend requests from unknown Karthiks, Rameshs and Sureshs,who sit and while away their time in shady net cafes.

10 Best Ways to Avoid Marriage

If you are in that stage of your life where your parents want to perform their so called last duty for you called marriage and get back to honeymooning, or a stage when the "Single" or "In- a relationship" status seems more appealing than  "Married" then please read on.

10 Best Ways to avoid Marriages in India.

1. Shaving your head: This is highly recommended for women. (Those who aren't regular customers at Dr. Batra's hair fall clinic kindly refrain from such activities).

2. Wearing Braces: This is a temporary stint and can help you avoid marriage for atleast 2 years depending on how awful you appear.

3. Getting a Tatoo or piercing at a strategic location: The more strategic the location, the more easy it is to sabotage the plans of  a life long commitment.

4. To appear as someone who has renounced all forms of communication: Not recommended for those who are already in a relationship. Stay away from Facebook and other social networking sites. No one would want to marry you if you don't have at least an email account or atleast a mobile. This might make your parents a little anxious, but assure them that you are not following the foot steps of Baba Ramdev or Nithyananda and they needn't worry.

5. Faking homosexuality: This has the highest success rate when compared to any other method. If you have parents who are ready to get you married at any cost, then this might boomerang on you.

6. Quoting unrealistic demands: Tell your parents that you would want to marry someone whose name begins with an 'X'.

7. Appearing ungroomed: This is recommended only if you are extremely desperate to not get married and run out of all options. Dress up badly, forget table manners, display the gaseous outflows from your body openly( Burp loudy), scratch your head and pick you nose.

8. Feign depression: This is works only with emotional parents or partners. Warning: Will not work always.

9. Declare Bankruptcy: This should work unless you are a descendent of the Mursi Tribe in Africa.

10. Stick posters of Baba Ramdev, Bappi Lahiri, Rakhi Sawanth, Imraan Hashmi, and Lady Gaga in your room: A good enough reason for people to avoid you.